Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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