I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
