you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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