matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
