It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
