There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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