I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
