my shit smells like andre
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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