I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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