We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
