His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
whose parrot is this?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
