I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
