i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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