I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
