Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
