By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
