I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
