He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
