You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
