i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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