i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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