Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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