Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
