I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
