we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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