what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
