So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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