Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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