gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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