he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
