At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
