Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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