like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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