oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
