Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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