I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
