I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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