His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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