don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
