It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
