I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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