I'm really into asian looking animals
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
