ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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