Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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