Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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