I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
