Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My penis needs a shock collar
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
