In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
