College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
