Can Purell be used as lube?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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