My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize