I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
