I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
