that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
