Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Im part way to drunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
