I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
