she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
how does that bad decision feel?
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