They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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