I could have mohawked her pubes.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
