paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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