If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
