fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
