Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
