I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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