I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
