after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
