remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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