i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's the barista slut.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
