I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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