we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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