well I can't set my house on fire every night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
