There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
