What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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