Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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