420 ftw
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
