How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
