Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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