so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
