i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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