The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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