It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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