I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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