i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
