I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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