My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
