apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
