The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
