I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
