What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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