this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
