I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
