he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
