I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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