I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
