Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
