im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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