I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
