I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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