how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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